Don't piss off Mother Nature   Reply to topic

I shamelessly stole this from the MC of a banquet over 20 years ago. I still get a chuckle. Hope I didn't lose it in the retelling...

Bill and John are out golfing for the day. They both load up their cart with clubs, balls, and beers, and off they go to the tees. Bill is first, winds up, and slices a ball way off to the side. John chuckles and, after a barb at Bill's golf swing, tees off and hooks his ball a good distance to the other side. After exchanging banter about both miserable first hits, Bill and John each trot off to the sides of the course, to try to find their balls.

Bill has no luck. Aggravated, he begins swinging his club like a machete, slicing small plants off and ripping some out of the ground. Suddenly, Bill feels a chill and notices a thick fog, which seemingly rose from nowhere. Looking up, Bill is stunned to see a beautiful woman, clad in a gown of vines, with flowers around her flowing hair.

"William," the woman says. "I am Mother Nature, and YOU are destroying my buttercups. This makes me very angry, William, so from this day forward, whenever you eat butter, you will become deathly ill for the remainder of the day." With that, the woman vanishes from sight, the fog and the chill disappearing with her.

Shaken, Bill thinks to himself "What the hell was that? I've gotta tell John." "JOHN!" he shouts. "John! Where are ya?"

"I'm over here," he hears John's distant reply, "in the pussywillows."

"Oh my God, John, DON'T swing. Don't swing the club!!!"